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I have high standards towards what I adopt as a life-code. Even if it seems I am truly immersed in a new belief or theory, I switch often. I know how to get into something but not apply it to how I see the world.

First off, I’m a perception switcher, so that’s nearly impossible. Secondly, I have a thing against settling. Thirdly, I wait for my collections of potential knowledge to make sense.

So I may be in something random and seem really absorbed, but in fact I’m testing what the concepts or ideas are all about. I’m very moralistic too.


What if you let something, call it your spirit, remain in your head, locked safely with no harm.

Only one day, your adventurous spirit cries to be let free, so you attempt to rearrange this freedom for health.

And then it was beat down a bit, battered, and several times deserted by you yourself, only to be desired once again and saved just in time.

And you get to that marvelous point in which you feel you’re close.

But somethings standing in the way,

So you keep fighting at it, hacking it with all your strength.

And one day you realize that you’ve forgotten something really simple about yourself and your spirit’s freedom.

And you simple use your provided tools you’ve abandoned out of lack of self respect.

And everything clicks in place.

And all those tiny skills you developed along the way remain by your side.

And you and your spirit can wreck havoc on the world in helpful terms.

And more awesome challenges and personal growth awaits from this point onward.

Parts and Pieces

Why am I so complicated? Most people don’t think about the things I do. It just gets thrown at me, all these parts and pieces of myself. All these ‘intelligence types’ come around and I have to sort them out manually. I would get stuck if I wasn’t raised to stand tall through thick and thin and make what I can from the things around me. I wouldn’t have been able to develop will-power without it.

I know what I want. Of which, I want to be dependable to others in the context that people will use my expertise without a doubt. I’m just going to have to work a few kinks out before I set out to do so.


Patience involved.

Another note:  Uh oh, I might be unstoppable. I don’t really feel the things that keep me back anymore. What’s that going to mean?


I have a face (Plain and simple)

I’ve never inspected my face; my features delicately. I left my self-perception exactly what my thoughts rang out to me. Now I know that I should do it more, that the answer lies in my visage: my features, all my hard work.

The confidence lies in my image.

Self respect, I say.

Now the entire world’s shifted, branched and folded into three more dimensions more, and now I’ve got a form to depend on.

All my normal issues and dilemmas are leaving my mind, and my mental state is breaching a new shore. A new adventure, new journeys, more flavors of lust, inventing (Part of my nature.), creating something new for one and all, stumbling, jumping to my feet with a crooked smile; character, no matter how I shrink from the suggestibility penalties I detest that revolve around my school’s reputation, it can’t shake the truth.

                     So character huh?

Things I need to remind myself…

Trust me, I felt so bad for being what I was long ago. I feel bad I worried people. I fretted over that, and was inspired to make my mistakes right. I went to far and made the simple complicated. I missed the bus stop and landed in a place that was difficult to understand. But things are easier than that, and confidence simply drips from my comparisons in person.

Its ok to be bold, witty, playful, and slightly touchy. It’s a process, remember. And I’m going to get thrown down. I’ll just have to use my judgement to determine what is real and what is the person’s faults reflecting from their conscious.


A new idea: Be simple to complicate. The right way this time.

Answer: A new thought process requires a new revision of thought completely.

So go on…



Have you ever started a skill from a young age, and had no idea what you were doing because it was so natural?

I finally found the name for mine 🙂


The basic intentional structure of consciousness, we find in reflection or analysis, involves further forms of experience. Thus, phenomenology develops a complex account of temporal awareness (within the stream of consciousness), spatial awareness (notably in perception), attention (distinguishing focal and marginal or “horizonal” awareness), awareness of one’s own experience (self-consciousness, in one sense), self-awareness (awareness-of-oneself), the self in different roles (as thinking, acting, etc.), embodied action (including kinesthetic awareness of one’s movement), purpose or intention in action (more or less explicit), awareness of other persons (in empathy, intersubjectivity, collectivity), linguistic activity (involving meaning, communication, understanding others), social interaction (including collective action), and everyday activity in our surrounding life-world (in a particular culture).

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

And I’ve gotten really good at it.

  Anyway, I’ve been wanting to know: Is there a period of knowledge seeking in which you learn to much and fall into a hole of complete uncertainty? I see the ‘big’ picture clearly and its bugging me. It’s mostly social stigma and I could probably get over it, but I am a misunderstood moralistic loner with no large support system.  That might be  my biggest challenge.


Deep Thinking

 If I can increase this skill and get some guidance, I can improve this skill in a structured manner. This would help me explain myself.

         But what does this mean? If I’ve already achieved higher thinking my own way, then why is it so hard to structure myself in school?

              Is it harder to comprehend simple structures? I wouldn’t say they were simple, but I know I can master them. I’m just doing it wrong at the moment.

               I can analyze anything I can see. However my mind handles abstract concepts extremely well. Either that or I can convert concrete subjects into abstract meanings.


Quick Message of Effort

Everyone struggles in this world. I am no exception. Pain awaits outside my shell. That’s what I know.

I rinse myself in pain, but I won’t back down. I will struggle profusely and show myself as a fool at first, but at least I’ll be known.

And if I break, my shell blown back, I’ll use my hands to move what I can. And I’ll speak with my voice, and the messages I often discredit.

Cause sometimes spoken words are more effective in changing lives for the better. How many more lives can I touch?

The Meaning of Life is Different For Everyone

But I’ve already gotten it figured out.

My goal in life is to be an exemplary member of society, to be fit and very smart with all integrity and graceful tolerance through thick and thin. I also want to learn and experience everything I can manage. I want to understand everything at a different level and embrace my uniqueness to offer something never seen before.However, most of all, I want to help and heal people in some way.  


A creed I wrote a while ago:

Things to do

1.Stress communication

2.Live up to skills and potential

3.Betterment of all members

4.Balance situations, become mediators

5.Inner values, outer benefits to society.

6.Spiritual well being

7.Independence and tolerance


Intelligence Plan

Note: I have the ability to know what part of my head I’m working and stimulate it more then usual using metacognition and introspection.  Its a strong skill, but its not fast and is hardly effective unless I improve it. Lately I’ve been devising methods to ‘tap’ into that skill so I can match my fast thoughts with my learning capability. It requires a lot of independence however.


I have an attention problem. I don’t know where to start my immediate focus, because I fear the world may eat me while I’m waiting. Perhaps its a mixture of impatience, and unease.

Its like finding a happy place to start. Numbers stay in ‘that’ area. Don’t disturb me. Again, the expectation. I modeled myself off impatient and dismissive peers. Therefore, when someone’s subconsciously threatening me I cast them aside. That is a faulty idea because It’s ok to be bombarded with ideas from all topics. Let math and patterns have their fun. Just learn it all. They are all weapons at my approval.

I think exactness is needed however, and that’s the part of my intellect I’ll have to target.

Sometimes its hard because being ‘smart’ is always referred to as immediate and permanent. If you don’t have it, then you don’t have it. I argue that I ‘do’ have ‘it’ but ‘it’ is complicated as with everything else about the brain. The school method is merely a method and some people excel at that.

I’ll give you the full answer and more in about a week, when I assess the structure, find the dominant meaning in the vocabulary, search patterns at my own pace, and create a new concept to confuse you with.


Of topic- I think I may be a line reader. My mind accepts lines like trees over every other. Perhaps that’s why I skip over material sometimes. I’ll work with that.