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Findings and Such

March 26, 2014

                    (Theory)   With inner-insight and metacognition, you can do anything.

    To my extent of knowledge, I can figure out  that sometimes in society, it’s best to forget your sense of wonder, because the world’s very specific and orderly. A single track mind is preferred.  I have to pinpoint other’s meanings out of many other possibilities. I’ve always had to find many cues. When I talk with my brother, I always have to question his every word to stick on his thought pattern.

    I dominate my mind, and consequently it’s difficult for me to suffer long from mental trauma. One of the key factors is awareness. I find myself being on top of every stray aspect in my head. I admit to having a strong control on my short term thoughts and emotions(A day to a week.), however, I haven’t mastered long-term grievances. (3 weeks to a month.)

             Long term mental difficulties build slowly over time, and are very sneaky at affecting me so I can’t catch them easily. However, as long as I know I’m being effected and am aware, I can handle it.

     Often I must also be aware of adverse side-effects:

    Maybe complete understanding of knowledge and understanding concepts can have downturns. Maybe accepting other’s laws damages the style of mind which is healthy. Maybe becoming the image of a good student creates a gullible mindset, ready to be taught in a world that lies frequently.

    Sometimes sorting information becomes difficult to test rights and wrongs, that is why, with my mind of extreme metacognition and introspection, I keep a watch on myself. Maybe this is vital to teaching other thoughtful students, which would better prepare them for the intensity and emotional confusion brought on by such a challenge.

     Perhaps I might have to take notice of that and treat my learning style like a joke, just to create a small amount of distance from my little mental experiments until more is understood so I won’t make some vital mistake in my functioning.

           Man, I’m so distracted. I wish I could stay home tomorrow, but I know I’m stronger than that. I’m going to keep working. I just have a tendency to overwork myself until I’m ready to fall over. I’m going to have to be aware of that too.

     Like when I was a kid, and when I was extremely sick, I would keep doing the things I normally would, and when I told my parents I was sick, they’d think I was lying just because I was still putting my extra energy into functioning and nothing else.

 Likewise, I see links and possibilities to extend my own learning. I see faintly the glimmer of perfect memorization by manually creating a link from short term and long term memory, but that messes with other parts of my brain. It would create a stiff interpretation of several parts of my head probably because the neurons would be all too strong in that area which increases mental strain. Anyway, it’s the equivalent to lifting weights, and nobody should lift weights all the time.

    I mentally exhaust myself all the time, and this affects my lifestyle, which may harm a good image of a good life. I value experience the most. I don’t want to be especially successful unless it gives people closure.

       Therefore, although my minds being explored, for I have always loved exploring, I will not try to go too far to discover information. Besides there are other kinder methods to gather information..

      While I was studying my instincts keep telling me to ‘shut up and sleep’ Extra information perhaps is messing with me.

    However, I have realized that I have an ‘off button’ in which I can clear my head and ignore all my knowledge, but doing so makes me really testy and manipulative as if I’m in a set mode to apply my knowledge.  Mental rinsing

     The strange fact is, that if I didn’t learn to understand the structure to which my head works, I would most likely be in an undesirable situation and perhaps go mad in the process. Or just be really disatisfied with my lifestyle.

  I have a funny nonsensical relationship with knowledge. My head offers up an idea, say I see a picture in the hall:

     A kid punching another on a poster.

   In my head, I notice all associations. When I’m not interested in something,  It’s best described like a conversation without words.

     “Do you think its based of past experiences?”

   “I don’t care.”

 “Do you think it’s a new concept?”

   “I don’t care.”

 “Look at the beauty of the artwork on that.”

  “I don’t care.”

 “Do you think the actors had fun in that?”

  “I don’t care.”

 “Can this be seen in any other way?”

  “I don’t care.”

 “What are the people who created this poster like?”

  “Still don’t care.”

 “Relevance to school.”

   “Don’t care.”

  “Why would they hang a poster like that there?”

      “Huh? Why would they?”

  And then in class, the teacher says something like, “What do you see in this poster?” and everybody’s like, “It’s a nerd and a bully.”

   And I think, “Oh yeah, that’s a good way to describe it.”

         I used to think, “I was wrong! I’m so stupid.” And then crawl into my hole.

 Therefore, I may not be able to pinpoint what others are thinking. I love dumbing myself down for others because it’s a challenge. Explaining complicated concepts? I can do that easily if I try.

    Perhaps I have too much firing in neurons or something.


  I read in the news about many countries trying to develop super intelligent children and at first I was like, “Well, why would you want everyone to be super smart? Isn’t the rarity of the situation in the first place going to affect mental health in a bad way?”

         And then I thought, if people were going to attempt to increase their kids smartness, I would actually be very beneficial to me because the popularity of my writings would be more needed.

         Or that’s completely selfish and against my ideals, but still, if it happens it happens, right?

            Or, as I’m still prone to thinking, I’m an imposter to simply acting smart and I’m ranting a useless point. I really need confirmation. I’m not very tight with people as you can tell, and I don’t tend to trust myself dearly. I’m not sure of anything ever.


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