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March 31, 2014


I’m trying to tap into my inner creative skill to ignite my repressed passions. To do so, I’m charting my vivid childhood memories.

Overview of Memories and Thoughts from Elementary and Middle school:


Yay, school! I get to be just like my brother! It’s my turn! At school I glared at a large jar of candy they give for good answers. The school looked artificial. Sometimes when I walked through the halls, I imagined what I would steal if I could steal what I wanted.
Games got violent outside in girls vs boys. The older kids would romp around the playground.
I had a friend, although I never understood his antics. He spoke really simply where I yammered on.

1st grade:

We’re learning number patterns. Everyone is good at fives, I don’t understand twos. Why do I have to understand this? Did I miss something? (I’m not good at numbers because I made embarressing mistakes in the past. I just moved here)- Concept I didn’t understand but felt.
Look how thrilled everybody looks. Don’t call on me please, I wasn’t listening. Why’s the room so bright? Its cozy. I wonder what we’re going to do?
1st grade (second time. I failed):
How many tissues can I use to blow my stuffy nose? My pencil and paper are staging a battle, this test doesn’t matter!
Why is that like that? Why is everybody different? Scratch that, I don’t want to be the same. I have friends to support, things to explore! Why is there boys and girls. I want to make a team with no bounderies. I’m the leader.
I keep getting yelled at, I don’t understand. I like when people like me.
2nd grade. (Heavily influinced by Selective Mutism.)
Why me? Why not him or her? Why out of all the many people in the world do I have to be this way?
I have an imaginary tiger friend that appears so I can imagine with it. I hum in the halls and try to mess with people. I love pleasing teachers, and getting all the rewards. People tell me to draw and write so that’s what I do. I recently discovered my love for animals and I know everything about them. I love to make long comics about an animal squad of spys.
Tommorrow I’m going to explore the railroad track for interesting rocks. My mom is really stressed. I’m worried about her.
3rd grade:
I have a boyfriend who accepts me as a tomboy. We play football together. I drew him a picture of a rottweiler.
My teacher reads interesting books, one about a robin and preserving nature, she taught us about comercialism, and tried to improve my prounoncation although I don’t talk. I only pretended to talk into my device that amplifies my voice. Still, I’m doing good on language tests. She made us search through the dictionary for words in groups. I did it alone. I used to race everyone else and would get upset if groups of three beat me.
To stay afterschool for snacks at the reading program and games, I pretended I was bad at reading.
The conseler taught a lot about goals and helping others.
4rth grade:
My teacher is the nicest. She gives candy from jars on her desks, and gives extra help with math. I’ve been told that I make invisiable rules in math. (Half the time I’m imaging I’m an accountant passing out money based of who deserves it the most.)
She has hissing coachoaches, frogs, and a fat tailed gecko. I liked sitting next to them when I did tests. In class, I wrote a 100 page book about a detective dog discovering a crime. I’ve noticed that whenever I write a good page in my notebook, and I look through it again, the whole page is gone. I get really jealous of people a lot, and only want to satisfy my elders.
5th grade:
Nature! I attempt to read everything I can get my hands on. I investigate my home in the middle of the words and try to experiment with everything. At night, I sit in my bed and watch the clock, ponder time, doom, and read most of Warriers: A tale about cats. I try to manipulate everthing.
I refuse to read book projects under college level because I like challenge.
I have never felt so alone. We moved again, and nobody likes me. I like to sit alone and study, and I love to listen and learn to lessons. People worry about me and I am aware of every moment. I withdraw until I get my first puppy. That puppy, Shady, becomes my best friend. My main goal is creating a relationship with her. I would read endlessly, on the porch, in my garage, all night. I observed nature and enjoyed messing with my brother’s friends.
I’m still diferent, but I’m opening up more. I’m attempting to get back into the social game, now that I’ve moved to a different school. People call me smart here, and I like it. However, I doubt myself and still get jealous easily.
The teachers are nice and I’m even put in honors math, which is weird because I suck at it.
I love studing weather.However, learning about technonlgy depresses me.
I decided to have a period in the library. I like it, it’s peaceful, and I can read all I want.
I still read excellerated books for fun, and start to write complex books that I planned. I listen to tons of music, but don’t feel connected to the ones around me at all. I just dn’t know how to talk to others, although I listen.
I try my best but I often feel like a dissipointment because I don’t live up to the happy normal kid my parents expect of me. I feel bad, but I decide to persevere. I discover that I love exploring my own head and start experimenting. However, I start to stop reading because of peer pressure.


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